That Awkward Moment When You’re Really Effing Awkward.

I keep my cool around guys pretty much all the time. I’m always smooth and never flustered and I can keep up with the conversation and maintain my sense of humor. It’s a gift. It’s also the result of growing up with all boys.

There’s this guy in my Medical Terminology class who is Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. Not kidding, he’s perfection. He and I have made awkward eye contact from across the room all semester, and then he recently moved to sitting right behind me. He has kind of shaggy(that’s just a length description…his locks are beautiful and in no way scrappy) long hair, but when I went to class yesterday his head was shaved. March 31 was a fundraiser, St. Baldricks,  for kids with cancer, where people could shave their heads and donate their hair…I assumed his new do and the fundraiser were related. All class I was trying to build up the confidence to talk to him and decided I’d say something like “oh, wow, did you shave your head for St. Baldricks?” I know, super creative. So, at the end of class, I turned around to put my books in my bag and put myself in position to talk to him, and he looked up at me, when I looked down at him, we made eye contact, and he smiled. It was the first time I saw him smile and it brought out in me a nervousness I cannot identify with. My hands started visibly shaking and I was overcome with a cold sweat and racing heartbeat. His smile….oh my. I completely forgot what I was going to say but struggled to recover and stammered out my rehearsed line. “wow, uh so um did you shave your head for st. baldricks?” Not quite the delivery I’d anticipated.

Another smile (melt my heart why don’t you!) “um no just to cool off”

“oh haha well that’s cool too. (unnatural pause) yeah…it’s pretty hot out. (another pause)….I sweated all the way to class today.”

Ohmygod did that just happen. Answer: yes, yes it did. I really told this flawless being that I “sweated” all the way to class.

It didn’t end there.

Perfectboy: “Haha oh well did you go to the fundraiser?”

Me: “what fundraiser?”

PB: “st. baldricks…”

“oh right! Um, no. I just wondered if that was why you shaved your head. But staying cool, that’s cool too. Yeah, that’s cool” THEN I JUST WALKED AWAY.

I didn’t say “bye” or “have a nice day.” I just bolted towards the door, because  I was so mortified, and couldn’t handle another second of my crash and burn encounter with this guy.

I have class with him again tomorrow. Wouldn’t surprise me if he’s back to sitting on the other side of the room.